I’ve been contemplating this topic for a while from different perspectives. As a woman, a Muslim and hijabi (someone who follows a modest way of life in dress and demeanor), a professional, wife, graduate, daughter, public servant, and so on, I occupy many roles in society.
Many of our roles or identities as women are made all the more challenging because of criticism by other women who one would expect to be empathetic at the very least. I’ve seen this in faith and have in fact been on the receiving end of criticism… “Your colours are too bright”, “Muslim women shouldn’t wear makeup”, “What’s the point in covering your head if you’re wearing trousers” and other inanities detract from the fact that this life of modesty and how to express it is my own personal choice based on my relationship with God, nobody else.
In our world of IF, there’s a similar kind of unfair critique that Jay over at The 2 Week Wait faced. I had seen this phenomenon elsewhere online and still find it so confusing. I understand the sadness, but not the bitterness. Why would one direct one’s anger at someone who’s been through the same pain as you? Of course it’s misdirected – the frustration is obvious, we all know it, but I guess we all react in different ways. I wish it wasn’t in this manner though.
And nevermind all that, once you’ve managed to survive the bitter IF backlash and had your baby, there’s birth shaming.