Rabbi laa tad’arnee fardaw-wa-anta khayrul waaritheen
“Oh my Lord, do not leave me alone (childless), though You are the best of inheritors”. (Verse 89, Surah Anbiya)
Rabbi habli mil-ladunka dhurriyatan tayyibah. Innaka Samee-ud-dua
“Oh Lord, bestow on my a goodly offspring from You. Verily, you are the hearer of prayer”. (Verse 38, Surah Al Imran)
Most of us TTCers have had the uncomfortable questions and well-meaning (but ill-informed and insensitive) advice. In communities where big families are the norm and personal boundaries are often blurry and porous, it’s a lot more challenging because it’s virtually expected for couples to start a family after the first year – case in point, the Muslim community in Cape Town.
And what irritates me is the “expert”… all sorts of advice on how I should change my diet/lifestyle/natural remedies/medication/BD position and in no time I’ll be pregnant.
In my experience, the people asking the questions are more often than not those who have no business knowing. My close family and friends rarely ask because they know what they need to know, and understand that I will share what I want when I want.
What kinds of challenging conversations are you faced with in your community when it comes to TTC?
Why are they so long?! When did that become a “thing”? I really just want to get to the content, but then there are all these montages of happiness and weddings and fur babies and sweeping orchestras. And then I feel sad because the couple is usually SO cute; and why can’t they replicate their cuteness; and emotions; and feelings etc.
Having said that… I really enjoy following a few vloggers:
- One of my faves, Connie K, who produces and films her vids quite well. She also does lifestyle posts which is a welcome buffer when the emotions are too raw. Otherwise I end up getting lost in things like Angela Anaconda or my fave band to detach from the FEELINGS
- Aussie Tina at TTC to the BFP
- Carisa who has made me cry more than once. Be warned, she talks a lot.
- Sweet Alexis who I’m cheering on too
From time to time I’d visit the success story vlogs because really, sometimes I just need to have that motivation/assurance/HOPE.
- Bubbly Edith who bore twinnies
- The Devon Roberts family
- Crystal who kept it real here
Relating to some of the emotions and thought processes, and cheering on other TTCers who I really don’t know makes this a unique struggle for me. I admire those who are bold enough to share the very intimate, private, and sometimes embarrassing details with those of us who can’t find the camaraderie and support among our friends or family.
The TTC community shouldn’t be about who’s got more scars or badges of honour – it’s heartbreaking, plain and simple, and we need to be there to grieve the losses, celebrate the victories and sometimes just laugh through the tears.
Yaa Baari, Yaa Musawwir
The Creator of order, the shaper of beauty.
I’ve read that fasting seven days in a row and opening one’s fast with repetition of this thikr (rememberance of God) aids in conception.